So last month, I traveled back to Taiwan, which is where my parents are from (I'm a U.S. citizen), and although I go back often, this time was very different. For one, I took less pictures, which allowed me to really soak in the experience and the feeling of actually being there. Also, whenever I go back with my family, I usually don't have any other friends/people I knew in Taiwan so being able to hang out with old and new friends this time was something I honestly never got to experience until now. But I think the feeling that I got, the urge to want to spend more time than just three weeks, came really from just taking a break from everything happening at the time.
I'd been studying music, and in an effort to become the best musician I could, kept pushing myself day after day since I had so much catching up to do with peers and in general, other people competing for the same lifestyle. I look back now and realize that I had been so exhausted, but I kept pushing myself through that exhaustion. Weekends began feeling like normal school days, and weeks where I did intensive work/schoolwork went from the normal 5 days I was so used to my entire life, to 7 days a week so it never felt like I gave myself any break. Granted, if I told people this they would probably just tell me to learn to take a break. The thing was though, I chose to do this, I chose to never give myself breaks because it was something I enjoyed and I was determined to become someone great. But entering winter break, specifically attending an International Tzu Chi Collegiate volunteer retreat (an NGO I volunteer with back at home), made me realize that I didn't want any of this.
Something I seldom tell really anyone, but I feel like I'm in a comfortable position talking about now in my life, is that if it wasn't for volunteering with Tzu Chi, I don't know if I would be here today. To keep it short, in high school, I had major mental anxiety issues, but Tzu Chi was always there for me whenever I was feeling terrible about myself. Coming back to present day, I almost threw away something so important to me because of this constant strive to get me to the top. I realized this was something I wasn't willing to sacrifice, among other things, to become one of the best. I don't regret anything, but I think I made the right decision to switch out of music.
Attending this volunteer retreat made me realize a few things, spiritually and realistically. One was that I had this feeling, that maybe it wasn't my time yet to become this great musician, who can compete in the job market with the prodigies, and maybe it wouldn't be my time in this lifetime. Surprisingly, even to myself, I was okay with that. Another thing I realized was that there's so much more I can do to help other people in this world, and I felt that I wasn't doing much which I did regret. I wanted to do more. I wanted to tell stories, specifically other people's stories. Get the good out there in the world, not just always having the bad. Funnily enough, 2 years ago that was what I decided to do by deciding at the time to pursue a degree in journalism. The last thing I realized was that for whatever reason, I want to move back to Taiwan after finishing my education, and just work there. I honestly don't know why, but for some reason just being there makes me feel so much at home, like I do here currently. It'll be hard, but it's something that I want to work towards.
I hope this is the last story about myself I ever tell on this blog (although I might throw a few in here or there). I hope that I'm able to tell other people's stories, show the world the good these people are, whether they are physically doing good in the community, or inspiring others with their stories. I hope my decision to switch back to journalism will be able to allow me to tell these stories to their fullest potential.
- Michael
