Have you ever been in the "grey area?" So hear me out. You know, the in between of black and white, when you are just kind of in the middle of something, say maybe an opinion, decision, and so on. If you think about it, we're all right now experiencing some sort of grey areas in our lives, whether it be not being able to decide what to major in, struggling with knowing whether or not moving to a new place is good, or even just having an even list of pros and cons for whether or not eating out would be a good idea today. These are definitely the types of grey areas we deal with everyday, the indecisiveness of our physical actions, being stuck between black and white because you simply just might not know what to do. I think for me right now, I'm more stuck in that emotional grey area, and I know so many people are also there too.
First off, I want to thank everyone who ever reads this blog, everyone who even takes the time to actually read what I have to say. Honestly, I don't really expect people to ever read this, because I mean this was never something anyone ever thought I was good at, and a lot of things I happen to do or talk about suddenly are things most of the people in my life don't actually know that I enjoy doing or even things that are just me. So, that being said, things in this blog might end up becoming more personal, might be me opening up with my feelings, because I think that's something I really need in my life right now, as honestly there aren't many people in my life anymore that I can truly talk about how I feel anymore. Therefore, I'm probably going to be ending up using this as a sort of journal for myself, while trying to talk about what I see as life's concepts with others. I think this not only will allow me to create better content, you as a reader get an insight on how my mind works, how I think about things.
So getting back on track, whenever I myself am in that emotional state where I am always not sure how to feel about something, I visualize myself in a literal grey area. If I choose the black side, I understand the benefits, but I also am too scared because of the potential consequences. This is the same for the white area, but it might have more risks than the reward, but the reward might be worth it. So it's more like high risk, high reward, and low risk, low reward. And I think right now, I'm mentally in a grey area, and honestly, I have been in the last few years. It hasn't done me poorly, it's just made me really confused about how I should be living life. What I'm talking about is truly opening up to other people.
There's honestly only a small number of people I've ever actually opened up to, have really felt comfortable telling how I was feeling to, and what not. Don't get me wrong, it's not a bad thing at all. Having people to talk to is great, and if you do it right, you can create long lasting friendships. The thing is, I ended up not doing it right, and self-sabotaged friendships, putting too much onto people. And I think that really messed me up for a really long time, and even has some lasting effects on how I interact with people today. This I guess is the high risk high reward side of the grey area I was talking about. As for the low risk, low reward, this is the part where I am able to make friends, but really just friends, because I'm too scared that I might reveal too much about myself that will make them not want to interact with me anymore. So right now, I'm in this grey area, as I enter my third year of university, regretting the fact that I was so terrified of getting out of my comfort zone to meet new people, really only sticking to what and who I knew before.
Making the decision to come here to Taiwan to study Chinese is not only challenging because oh man my Chinese is bad, but also because it's my test. I think being out of my comfort zone for two months will be my remedy to escape the grey area I'm currently trapped in. And I think that goes for everyone as a solution to their grey areas. Get out of your comfort zone, do neither the black or the white. Make a green area, blue area, whatever color you want. Just don't make it grey. Do something crazy new, something that you probably never thought you would ever do (just not too crazy, watch yourselves people). I think if we can do that, then this simple problem of being suspended in this grey area will be simply fixed, a simple solution.